"I'm frustrated, my brains are fried" - Joan Jett

Seriously, I keep telling myself I love my job, but at one point, when does it cross the line from convincing myself to actually being true? Because right now, I feel like I keep saying it, but the meaning isn't there. How can I love what I do when I feel like what I'm doing is futile? I ask them to put their phones away, and not 5 minutes later, they have them out, texting. I ask them to work independently, and I find them talking during a quiz. Why not just take points off, or take phones away, or some other consequence, you ask? Because it just wouldn't work! I constantly feel like I make an announcement, or give makeup work, or offer help or suggestions on assignments and it's completely disregarded or ignored. I've taken phones, I've kicked kids out of class, I've yelled, I've begged, just about done it all to get them to care. But they don't. Is it that I'm not cut out for this? Is it the district I'm in? What the hell is the answer? I've applied for grad school - I'm really looking forward to that...is it the anticipation of not being here or doing this next year that has me so frustrated? But honestly, I think the questions I'm asking are more philosophical and concerning than just 'What do I do?'...I think I'm afraid of this movement of utter apathy I'm seeing across the board. I mean, I know people didn't care when I was in school, but now, it seems so widespread and almost expected that they just don't care what the outcome is. And it's not just limited to the students - I'm seeing parents take the defensive when I try to explain to them that their student is failing or has done something wrong in class. I'm seeing other teachers putting in half-ass effort in their daily assignments and grades. This whole thing is underscored by this awful 'NCLB' law, that doesn't leave children behind, but pushes them forward with no guarantee that they actually know the material and skills they are supposed to learn in order to progress to the next level. So then I'm forced to work with a majority of kids who quit trying in 4th or 5th grade, but have continued to be shuttled through the system in order to 'not leave anyone behind'. Which brings me to my next point; the district in which I currently work focuses so much more on 'results' and 'data-driven' pictures, that they completely miss the forest for the trees, as it were. All we talk about is how to measure x or y without ever USING this data for something important or to make a change. Also, if this 'reliable' data IS looked at and it's not the numbers the district wants to see, it's MY fault (as a teacher - not ME personally, necessarily...), rarely taking into account the performance or lack of caring from the students. I tried to have a conversation with my principal about the excessive amount of F's I had at one point last semester, and he replied with, "Well, what are YOU doing to help?" Seriously? I work my ass off making lists, making extra copies, handing out reminders, extending my late policy, calling parents, and zillions of other time-wasting things...and then he has the audacity to ask ME what I'M doing to motivate students. And on top of all that, he emails me about 12 different documents on 'Motivation in the Classroom'. At a staff meeting earlier in the year, he made the comment that our students' daily attendance is suffering. He asked us, as a staff, what we're doing in our classrooms to convince students that their attendance is 'worth coming to school for'. Seriously? I mean, for real? So I now almost literally have to create a 'dog and pony' show in order to convince some little apathetic shit that he or she needs to be here. As if I don't do enough. I had someone at a Holiday Party (because you sure as hell can't say 'Christmas', even though the words 'bitch', 'ass', and 'damn' have made their way onto REGULAR network TV...) ask me what I did. When I told him I was a HS English teacher, he gave me one of those disdainful looks up and down and said, "How cute." Cute? I'd hardly use that adjective to describe my job. And don't EVEN get me started on these ridiculous laptops we just HAD to have for every student in the school. 'So beneficial', they said. 'Great technology', they said. Time waster, I say. Access to dumb games and more distraction, I say. As if their cell phones weren't bad enough! Now I have to compete with iPod touch's (WITH text messaging), mP3 players (where they hide the headphones), cell phones (with internet), AND those cursed laptops. What can I possibly offer in the classroom to encourage them to pay attention and do their work? They've got all they need right there! I am so frustrated. I don't want to come to work. I hate the hours. I hope I get into grad school because I need to get away from this to see if it's really what I want to do with my life. Would teaching college be any better? Would it be worth the fight for tenure? Or should I go back into the business world and do PR? Or take the long shot and go into music, playing in piano bars? I wish I had the answer.